yudbeis Tammuz

mazal tov !
new ainekel born.
it's a boy,
does that make you an aunt
or an uncle??

and mums the word.

To sing again...

Hearing the lilt of her canary's song, a fastidious house-keeper's attention was drawn to the bird's cage, which she saw immediately needed cleaning. She decided that it would be easy to clean the cage bottom with her new vacuum cleaner. Disregarding the frantic bird, she stuck the vacuum wand into the cage and was occupied with her task when the doorell rang. Startled, she raised the wand, and the nervous canary was sucked in. Alarmed and expecting the worst, the woman quickly turned off the cleaner and opened it to retrieve the bird. To her relief, he appeared okay. He was stunned, but otherwise none the worse for the experience. So she put him back on his perch, where he sat, songless.

Too often that's what happens to us in different situations: we are sucked in.

So how do you find your song again when you are still in the cage with the potential for being sucked back into the vacuum cleaner?

drama clean

I'm so good, I'll put clean
thoughts in your head


b'shem omroi -
the shampoo bottle.

think about it.

.....coupledayslater...

text message :

......buy mushka ice cream and tell her its from the becher.
-hope you didnt discuss me on shabbos.


(with the bechers on the table, how could we not?)

talking about Primo levi...

Why does one write?

Because one feels the drive and the need to do so.
To entertain oneself and others.
To teach something to someone.
To improve the world.
To make one's ideas known.
To free oneself from anguish.
To become famous.
To become rich.
Out of habit.

Boruch hashem.... (part 1)

the neighbours left for the summer!!!
what a mechaya.
how can we keep them away for longer??
not nice of me. well its the truth.
free to open the kitchen door...
(and i can sing as loud as i want to)
and oh so peacefully quiet...
what a mechaya. bh.

i met tova's mother (tova as in freidy and tova)
(cannot pronounce last name.)
that was nice, so i was able to personally tell her
how special and beautiful her daughter is.
oy she was kvelling.
bh.

mendy had already had his booster shot,
so bh didnt have to shlep to do it....

why-aitch put a white shirt on today
and bh went to the direction of the yeshiva.
i have the shtempel from y.sh.
"he is a very good boy".
(in an almost patronizingly manner)
as if i dont know my kid.
oy kids...

bh the choson, at his wedding, received my personal "mazal tov."
and as the deliverer reported back :
"he smiled from ear to ear."
so thats nice. bh.

bh.
i didnt run away today yet.
or do anything drastic like that...
yet.. ha ha...

remmber, no dessert till you say
three boruch hashems?

talking about remmbering..
do you remmber when a door is a jar?
oh boy
bh for fun memories.

happiness/food

happiness is an end in itself -
not a means to an end.

food is a means to an end -
not an end in itself.

LIFE.

....well , its complex.

24 hours later...

text message:

...tell mushka the becher misses her.

soul to soul..... i guess...

she is usually shy -

he is not.

her face is perfect (keh bh) -
his is not.

she can hear (keh bh) -
he cannot.

she is pure, innocent, practically a baby -
he is not, he has been thru much.

they met.

she chatted with him -
he guessed what she was saying.

he talked and talked to her -
she loved it.

they took walks.

he bought her ice cream.

she cried when he left -
he is gonna miss her.

she is 21/2,
he is 22.

she called him the becher (bochur) -
he called her mushka.

she is my baby.
he was our guest.

t'was amazing to witness.
must have been soul to soul -
how else can we explain it?

hmmm...

....via e-mail from overseas friend, (who landed this week in crown heights...)

"I realized tonight that no matter how popular you were wherever you came from, you're just another dreck here in CH."

by herbert weiner, excerpts...(yechidus)

.... what appears evil in our sight is, in the light of a higher wisdom, really good. To believe otherwise, to believe that evil has a positive existence, is to be driven in the end to the conviction that there are two divine powers rather than one. The oneness of G‑d implies that everything is ultimately justified.

"But our Hasidim can be sent into any environment, no matter how strange or hostile, and they maintain themselves within it. So how can we say that it is weakness which characterizes a Hasid?"

GIMMEL TAMMUZ

we are lubavitchers -
we are different.

the Rebbe's dream, the Rebbe's goal
the Rebbe's aspiration - was and is
bringing us to the geula,
bringing Moshiach Now.

we mean it -
we will act upon it.
everyday and in everyway.

we are connected -

ay, i dont feel it,

then the chisoron is in me,

not in the system.
and it is my obligation as a
lubavitcher to act upon that and
create a kesher.

Do whatever it takes to make the
Rebbe oh so proud.
and with that -
bring the geula one step closer.

My Rebbe loves me.
what did i do for him today?

huh ? princess?

i was walking by toras emes -

two boys talking to the guard (black, i think.)
guard is skimming thru some book.

guard: "why are some pages torn out?"
boy #1: "because its not tznius".
( i stop in my tracks pretending to fidget with phone)
guard: "huh?"
boy #2: "it's pritzus".
( im really having trouble with my phone now.)
guard: "princess?? "
boy #1:" yeah the girls cant show their arms".
boy #2: "or their legs".

my phone is fine.
i continue walking,
laughing.

oww..

she was exposed -

she was susceptible -

she was vulnerable,



and now....
she is RAW.

leben mit der tzait -pairek daled.

( ya so i say it funnily.)

rabi masyo ben chorosh oimer :
"hevei makdim b'shloim kol odom"

that describes my "four foot friend" ! (well, not really four feet,two of them were hands. just joking)
aka A.S.
i was mamosh impressed when i witnessed that.
( i dont think mamosh is my kinda word.)
i was pleasurably impressed. ( a tad better, but not really.)
i was impressed. (okay, fine.)
nice lesson for me.


rabi meir oimer:
"al tistakel b'kankan elo b'ma she-yesh boi"

alte mayse,
but i saw it again today so therefore the oifmerkzamkeit. (did i just make that up?)
its very easy to misjudge a person by just looking at his/her appearance.
look inside of him/her (get to know them a bit) and you may be wowed at what is really inside there....
i know i was.

MY shmonei - esray

all tefillos are great, obviously, but with shmonei esray im kept busy...
i try to stay focused at least kzat, here are some of my stam thoughts during...

start off with a MUST to concentrate.
hashem, my lips... im going to daven to you now.

when i say ; elokay avrohom, elokay yitzchok, elokay yaakov... i think
hey, what about elokay d.l. ?? why cant He be called my G-d too ?

techiyas hamaysim, try saying that brocha at a shiva house... oy .

morid hatol, mashiv haruach... stay focused, stay focused is it summer winter ? here in l.a. we can get confused. how about in australia ?? totally confusing...

ato choinayn ha-doas..
oh i needs lots of that, where do you think i get all my chochmas from? this brocha !!
thank you hashem , and may you continue to give me cha'b'ad... and so i ask myself, or you can ask, what happens to all the times that i dont have that... well thats the aibershters fault, he didnt want to give me any that day....

stay focused stay focused...
slach lonu, ( i should be thinking about teshuva, right?) but instead, im thinking, tachnun? to klap or not to klap... hey at least my mind is still onto the davening and not what am i cooking for dinner.

ah, refoainu..
very nice, a chance to ask for the sick. unfortunatly there is usually a name i can stick in. do the emotionally ill, fit in here too?

boruch oleinu...
need to remmber the wine, esrog and what was the other thing? matzas ? or is it not esrog ,did i jsut make that up? ver veis..
moving right along.

teka teka b'shofar... oh wow blasting sounds. nice.

v'lamalshinim..
remmber to seperate, make a stop, between the klipos that can be "helped" and the the one that cant..

not bad, not bad, im still at the task at hand... didnt drift so far away yet...

ahh, yerusholayim.... yes ! now im thinking of the time i davened this IN YERUSHOLAYIM wah !! (is that considered going off?) es tzemach dovid..

now my favourite of the whole shemonay esray, we get to hack the aibershter with our personal stuff.
the list goes on and on...
and then Ki ato shoimaya tefillas kol pe...
ya.. He listens.. and sometimes it ends there.
nu nu, tomorrow i will demand again with a shtarkeit!!

uh yaaleh v'yovoy ? sometimes.

okay im lucky if im not way out of the court by now.
on the off chance that im still in, all i can think of is whats the difference of modim of chol and modim of shabbos?
the "vov" ( V'hamerachaim.)

........ the rebbes posuk
my posuk,
left, right, left ....

sheyibone bais hamikdosh....

new attitude

...think inside the box.

good luck.

life?

i left moishy and sh.zalman to fight it out -
who was gonna take their aunt (their favourite one) to the ohel at
9:00 a.m. ?

moishy was zoiche.
he actually wanted to go too.
(and sh. zalman was gonna go later anyhow
on the way to mtl. with esty.)

we cruisin and shmoozin,
"so moishy, what you gonna do with yourself now?"

"well, summer, camp. then i would like to settle down.
and start life."

"moishy, whats life ?"

(im expecting him to go into some philosophical shmaydray.
or the 'life is a magazine' shpiel.)

"fun".


(is that another word for getting married?)

i think i want to be a chaplain

is that weird of me?

military chaplain?
prison chaplain?
hospital chaplain?

umm...
i think military.

whom am i fooling?
only myself.
it will never happen....

im too fat -
im joking !
not joking about being too fat.
just joking about being too fat to be a chaplain.

it will never happen -
just like my other "wants" wont happen...

yiddishlesson #2

gefelt

vos gefelt mir about eric o'neil is his mesiras nefesh for sholom bayis.

"oh when the jews....."

.....is lost from the computer.
cant find it.
what a m'chaya for us,
(no more kol isha).
poor sheina.


no offense jav...

french.... english...

"i switched my gmail to french."

"so when you get my email does that turn into french too?"

"nooo. the same way when i get an email from an o"tnick it doesnt turn into english." .....

"pray for me"

.... were robert hanssens last words to eric o'neil.

and the elevator doors closed.

i think i need a real friend

big time.

chesed shel emes

big time.

yiddishlesson #1

Oisgevept
evaporated.

the leftover mashke in the cup -
hot zich oisgevept.


dont let anyone convince you otherwise.

two types of gezhe.
one who thinks they know - because they are "gezhe" and
one who takke knows.

t'is my journal, t'is my buddy

t'is what stam is all about.

i can say stam anything, anytime
whateve, wheneve.

she said yes,
he said no.
i thought i'd try.

"museum"

m'inyan linyan b'oto inyan..

chanie: d.l. you wanna come to the museum with us?

d.l. : no, was there just this morning. thankyou.

chanie: not that one. the jewelry one. right up the block at 744.

d.l. : oh

chanie: we just look.

nomi : no i cant go, for if i show any interest in a piece, he tells my husband...

d.l. : ( makes a face) kzat confused. is that a negative thing?

nomi: oh ya then he'll buy it for me.
.
d.l. : (makes a face) very confused. is that a negative thing?

i dont claim to understand everyone and everything.

to say or not to say?

- Calvin Coolidge - "I have never been hurt by what I have not said."
i think i have.
have you?
define hurt.

THE museum

finally ran thru it...
overrated.
enjoyed nonetheless.
now i can say i was there.
thankyou.

met:
theresa - who wants to write an essay on jewish life. (yesh " hava amina" that i was rude to her).
ashira's brother - who is missing a costume. (and is rude for interrupting).
m and m - who um...
e and m - who banged a teakettle.
yakov - who recognized the bait hamikdash.
the water guy - who called a web a back.
and some others ...

favorites:
shavuos and the
the clock.
i want one.

tzufriden

so lets say the name of the game is 'Simcha'
dos heist to be happy at all times..
for, to be happy when
you win the lottery
or when things go your way
or when you feel accomplished
or when you used your time wisely
or when you made a right choice
or when you ate something yummy
or when you said or heard something funny
or when your mama sends you money
eh..you get the idea..
then that is not a chochma.
the chochma is to be happy when ...
things dont go the way you thought they would
or when someone insulted you
or when you are feeling lonely
or when you would like to be someones friend but they aint reciprocating
or when you dont feel so great
or when the aibershter gives you a zetz
or when you end up with a lemon, a rotten apple or spoiled tomato
(or rotten and spoiled kid)
eh..you get the idea...


the chupa is about to start.
she waltzes over to me.
"..shh this is an eis rotzon,"i tell
her,"we can daven for whatever."
"simcha" she whispers to me.
"that is the support you gave me 5 years ago.."
(ani lo zocheret) "i said that to you?"
"yep"
"what else did i say?"
"oh that only when im b'simcha will the brochos of the aibershter come"
and she thanked me.

"Hmmmm..."
i thought.



"hmmm...."
i thought.
didnt abaye say that too?
"smile, smile, ...."
:)

(hey it didnt turn)

hill

m'inyan l'inyan b'oto inyan...

a hill is...

an obstacle
a problemo
an issue
a blockage
an overwhelmness

its just a hill...
a bit of effort and we are over...

Jonas

....oh thats me...

running far far far away to elsewhere, past mountains, over hills...

whats a hill?

(why would you say that you were one?)

ABAYE

his real name was Nachmany
father passed away before he was born
uncle took care of him.
uncle named him after his father (childs grandfather)
nachmany.
nicknamed him "AVI"- my father.
avi turned into abaye.
cool.

b'o(b'shem omroi) mendy.
hope i rmmbered it correctly.

i did it !

r u impressed?
am i ?
i dunno.
i guess not really.
but remmber its mainly just for me,
and you, because you are part of me...