Monday, March 31, 2008

Tzayschem L'shalom

Tomorrow they are moving, again, away from me, to a different state.

Today the fortune cookie's paper read:
The time is right
to make new friends.

Not talking to me, aye?
Cuz I not make new friends.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Oh too funny, with Israeli... haha... good one! true.

al tishali oti

April 1st

This year I will be on the ALERT...

Too bad, for me.

I wanna go.
I yearn to be there.
It has been so long already.
I've tried before, somehow it didnt work out.
When can I go?
When will I have a chance?

Ashrei Yoishvei Vaysecho... for me.

My mind

I now see the "light". B"h.
Wow, how can it be that before I absolutely didnt "see" it? How was I able to be so blinded? How was I so foolish? How is it that NOW I do see it? What changed? What happened? Did the One Above remove my cataracts?
How can one mind make such a drastic change? My mind. An interesting thing.
Now I'm so ashamed so disrobed so dishonored so embarrassed such a fool such an idiot.
What a loser. I am.
Perhaps if I didnt "see" the light, then I would still feel as if I had my dignity.
What's better?
Doesn't really matter anymore, it's not like I have the choice.

What an embarrassing fool I is.

Chocolate -
I was convinced it was good for me, for I loved it so.

I kept enjoying it and getting hurt along the way.
NOW I see that it ain't good for me.
I was fooled into thinkin' it was.
Silly me.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Princess Cake for Esther

Funny Yossi # 4

I davened this morning in Gan Eden Ha'Elyoin. (Pshhhhh.)
I went for three reasons:

  1. It was my camper's bar mitzvah, he came in from Edmonton (Somewhere far away in Canada)
  2. I was pretty sure a bochur whose bar mitzvah I went to last shabbos was getting his first aliyoh (he was)
  3. I had a really hard gemorah test today, and I needed my prayers answered
I'm kidding about that third one, well, I'm kidding about going to pray for my test, but I was serious that it was a hard test.

Funny Yossi - #3

Then she asked me if I have ever been to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I told her, "No, I don't think so. Unless my mother took me to one, and just told me he was a dentist!" at which she really started laughing hard.

Curiosity... an interesting thing, huh?

The desire to know.
You wonder; you so want to know.
You think.
You are uncertain.
You are poshut curious.
You want to know....

So then you ask.
You inquire.
And your curiosity is satisfied.
Then you don't need to wonder anymore.
but what if you don't want to let on that you are curious...?
What happens when you want to pretend it is not something you are thinking about?

Then you are back to thinking, wondering, etc....


"I miss him"

She looks at his pictures and cries.
She sits on his bed and cries.
She is lonely.
She is sad.

She visited him the afternoon before.
"He looked so alive".
He said, "I love you" to her.

"I miss him".
She tells me.
"He was a good husband"
And a tear escapes from my eye.
I feel so bad for her.
She is all alone.
I must must remember to visit her.

Shirley, May you be comforted....

Age no does matter -
Jack was 95.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Tzedoko Mekareves Es Hageulo

When he gives to charity this money [to which he applied all the strength of his vital soul], his entire vital soul ascends to G-d.

Hence the superiority of charity over other mitzvos.

In studying Torah, one is united with G-d's Will and Wisdom, and thereby with G-d Himself, as discussed....

Nevertheless, The Sages have said: "The essential thing is not study, but deed."

"This day, [i.e., during our life in this world, the all-important thing is] to do them" [the mitzvos]

For, this is the purpose for which he was created and for which [his soul] descended to this world, so that G-d may have an abode precisely in the lowest realms, to turn the darkness [of this world] into light [of holiness], so that G-d's glory fill specifically the entire physical world.

Thus, the goal of making this world an abode for G-d is achieved primarily through mitzvos of action.

Tzedoko hastens the Geula.

Tzedoko is superior to all other mitzvot, including Torah study.


"We can't rewrite the past".

But can we pre-write the future?

Or is it already written?

If so, then can we rewrite the future?

How about writing the present?

Can we?

If we write the present, we then wrote the past.

But we can't rewrite the past.

Or can we?


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

stam quotes...

Don't go through life, grow through life.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

It is not how old you are, but how you are old.

It is tact that is golden, not silence.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mayn Mendy

Makes my heart smile.

Big shkoyach to the photographer.

Stam, again

Many a more of rants and 'whys' have I.
But oh so careful am I to be -
not to scare thee.
My one and only
reader, biti.

Sue me.

SOO Funny #2

And yesterday, this guy in my Yeshiva was telling us that when he was a little younger, he bought a poof, like a body sponge to use in the shower. It hurt him a lot, and formed marks on his skin.

He said it turned out to be steel wool!!!! He wondered why they were selling it in the kitchen department!

SOO Funny.

I was worried I might have been traumatized. I asked someone in my yeshiva, and he told me I didn't look it. I answered that maybe I just take it well. He told me that that means I'm not traumatized. Oh.

Stam thoughts....

...need to make room in my head for other garbage...

Some people want to understand G-d.
I want to understand some people.
G-d I can trust.
He knows what He is doing.
And if I do not comprehend, nu..
I know there is His infinite wisdom and great kindness involved.
In G-d I trust.

But some people,
I shouldn't trust.
The truth is, I can't even trust myself to remember not to trust them.

I want to understand man.
Me included.
Why do I expect one thing and get something else?
Why when I think he is honest with me, he lies?
I know WHY he lies, but why DOES he?
Why do I think the neighbours are gonna be there for me, then they aren't?
Why do I even think we are friends?
Why did he say, 'no', when he said he was gonna say, 'yes'?
I mean I know WHY he said, 'no', but why DID he?
Why when I expect to be charged am I not?
And why when I don't then I am?
Why do I trust when it only brings disappointment?
Why do I forget that??
Why do people behave the way they do?
Why do some get offended for nothing?
Why when I'm offended, I think it's for something?

It is man I want to understand - not G-d.
G-d I trust - not man.

This I do understand :
When one wall comes crashing down on me, the other three walls will come down too, for how is it supposed to hold up?? So for sure if one wall is shvach then no doubt the other three will be shaky as well.
Do I even have a chance?

Turn off my "thinking", I guess.


Oh, I can talk about hearts too.
Broken ones, seemingly broken ones.
Bruised ones, punched in ones, squashed ones etc...
but not for now....

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Btw, I lived in CH for over 20 yrs., and I'm still not a CHer. It's not a place, it's a state of mind.

From a comment, from a blog.

Monday, March 17, 2008

On the colour green

She stops at the stop sign.
Rolls down window for she sees that I want to tell her something.
"You like the color green?" I ask her.
Big shocked smile on her face,
"Yes, how do you know?"

She was driving a very woah green vehicle and was wearing a green shirt.

Today, I stopped a lady in green;
"Oh, green is my favourite colour".

She gives me a Patrick "good luck" thingie.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Memories oh Memories.. R' Peretz - how time flies

Ich hob obgelept shain achtzik yohr.
Vee shneel un shnel is aribergefleigen.
Vais vi shnei zainen dee grue hor -
Un dee ruken in drei-en iz oisgebeigen.
Mayne kinder yoren vell ich nit fargessen,
vi ess hot ba mir in mayne everen geklungen
az mayn mamenyu iz ba mayn viggele gezezen un hot mir dos liddele gezungen;
Az dee gantze velt iz vi a fintztere shtub un alles iz hevel havolim,
A kurtzer shpan iz foon vigel biz tzum grub
un der leben iz nisht mer vi a cholom.
Ersht geven a keend och vi geshvind
un yetzt vart oif mir a keiver...

I remember going to his house/basement/hovel
What for I don't know.
But it was this cozy tiny place in the driveway of Yeshiva.
T'was a very long time ago.

Positive Mitzvah 208: Having Honest Measurements

(Leviticus 19:36) "Honest balance, honest weights, an honest dry measure
and an honest liquid measure, you shall have"

Honest this... honest that....
Do not be false.

Reminded me...
He asked the Rebbe for a bissele Emes.
The Rebbe asked, "Varfos nor a bissele?"


The sun shall no longer be your light by day,... for G-d will be your eternal light."

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Mayn Tatte

Can I put myself on my brilliance list?

I don't think so.

Sometimes I am so amazed at my brilliance and other times so amazed at my stupidity.

Today she told me the symptoms of her child, I told her what it sounds like to me.
She said, that that is what the neurologist said! Ha, can you believe that? Well you better.

And then lots of times I am so "thick" like I should have known better. I am pretty often poshut a shoyte. D'haynu, ruach shtus enters and blocks my sense to sense.

I try to concentrate on the brocha of "choynain Ha-doas".
I ask The Distributor of this *"advantage" to help me out in this area.

*in quotations for sometimes it is not such an advantage.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


"Hashem made the sea dry land and the water split."(14:21)

QUESTION: Water normally flows, and only Hashem can alter the laws of nature and split the sea. The Gemara (Sotah 2a),says, that pairing two people in marriage is as difficult as splitting the sea, and the gemara,(pesachim 118a) says that earning a parnasa –livelihood- is as difficult as splitting the sea.

IN what way is marriage, and parnasah compared to the splitting of the sea?


When the yidden saw Pharoh chasing them into the wilderness, they formed a number of plans of action .One group wanted to have war with the Mitzriyim., another group advised leaping into the sea, a third said to give up and return to Mitzrayim, and a fourth said to cry and daven to Hashem for help. Nobody dreamt of the possibility that the sea would split and that they would march through bravely on dry land (see Michilta 14:13).

Often, young people think about whom they are going to marry. However, despite their plans, they meet their "bashert" in a totally unexpected way, and often one marries someone from a faraway place that they never even thought of.

The same thing, in earning a parnasa, one may have many plans and thoughts about it, but at the end Hashem often provides for him in an unexpected way, the source of his income.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


no, not me a Rov, but...

If everyone was always friendly with each other.
If we were more tolerant.
If we only said nice things to each other.
If we had pleasant thoughts bout one another.
If we all got along.
How special would that be?


Reporting live...

DL aka OA has been last overeating.



"...but it really was flawless"



Does a scale lie?


If I'm subjective then I don't see the situation properly, and can't make the appropriate judgement.
However, if I were to be objective, like perhaps you are, then for sure I cannot see the situation properly.
Need I elaborate?
Takke a problemo, don't ya think?

The trick is to be subjective with the advantage of objectivity.
Or the opposite.
Be objective while being the subject.
Is that possible?
Don't know.

Sunday, March 9, 2008


- 288-8888

- "Overeaters anonymous,

How can I help you?"

- "How can you help me? How can you help me?!?
Um... I need help changing my tire!
Duh, I overeat!
And what part exactly is anonymous here?
That I am overweight?!? Why? Do I look so slim?
That I overeat? Well what do you think, I got like this from
Omayn, yehei shmei rabba?


Sometimes one feels like screaming with all their might, to kinda let it out.

Now is one of those times.

What weighs....

pun intended.

...When I get a gift - and it is not even my birthday.
...When I get flowers - for no reason.
Some say it is like having a stranger do you a favour.
I say it is more than that.
To me it means more.
It actually means something.

So thank you to all those that thought of me.
Hey, ya and round is a shape. Boo hoo.

Favours from friends are not my thing - it's like getting a gift on your birthday.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Hayom Yom

A chassid creates an environment.
If he does not, he must demand of himself: What am I doing in this world?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Rebbe began to weep...

The following is a very moving and uplifting “Yechidus” that took place with an IDF commander and the Rebbe, regarding the Death of two Israeli Soldiers following the Yom Kippur war in 1973. it's an Excerpt from the new book on the Rebbe to see more information about the book click:

The military officer asked about something which had been troubling him for a long time. In a devastating fashion, his close friend Zurik was recently murdered during a terrorist attack, just two years after Zurik's losing his brother Udi in the latest war. It was inconceivable that one family should deserve to bear so much anguish, losing two members in a short span. How could G-d have permitted this? Where was He?

Distressed at the tale of sorrow and unable to control his tears, the Rebbe began to weep. He finally replied, “Indeed, the story you tell me is frightening and upsetting; we are tempted, when hearing such an account, to question G-d and conclude that He does not really dictate what transpires in this world. We must, however, remember that we mortals cannot aspire to understand the intricacies of His divine wisdom.

”Having studied Torah all my life, at seventy-three years old and still studying and adding to my Torah knowledge, I feel that I have attained a level of wisdom. Nonetheless, the extent of my wisdom is ridiculous when compared to G-d's. Therefore, we must not come to preposterous conclusions based on our judgment of events around us. Although there is much we do not comprehend, often in retrospect we come to an appreciation of the righteousness of His decisions. Perhaps time will demonstrate the virtue of Udi's and Zurik's premature deaths; perchance, many Jewish fatalities were avoided as a result of these casualties.“
I hope this stuff is reliably accurate.

Not a happy day in Yerusholayim...

.... to put it mildly.


To lead one's soul to true joy -
Think deeply and picture in your intellect and understanding the subject of Hashem's true unity.
How the Aibershter permeates all the worlds... encompasses is all filled with His glory.
He is ONE alone.
Everything is nullified before Him...Etc. Etc.

613 Mitzvos were given to the Yidden -
came Chabakuk and based them all on a single one -FAITH.
For through faith alone one will come to fulfill all the 613.

That is - when your heart will rejoice and be glad with your faith in Hashem's unity, (as though this was our only Mitzvah, for we would surely fulfill it with utmost joy) then this joy will allow our soul to soar above all obstacles that keep us from fulfilling the 613...

When we have this awareness - of Hashem's true unity - it will help us overcome anything that will stand in our way of fulfilling Hashem's Will - the Mitzvos.

Very Very b'kitzur of today's Tanya.
Thank you lessons in Tanya.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

The secret to life... replace one worry with another.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Chof Zayin Adar

16 years ago.
T'was three months before M. was born.
I was SO SURE he was gonna be born in Geula.
How else was one to comprehend the sitch?
I was fantasizing how wonderful his birth was gonna be.
How painfree.

stam.... as i said it would be...

Oh whyyyyy does everybody make so much fun of me....

Put your uzi down, it's just the tune in my head....


I am utterly amazed at this woman's kindness. And I still cannot figure out why. Why is she so generous towards me? Why is she doing this for me? Telling me because my child is well-behaved and gives her not an ounce of trouble, is not a reason not to charge. To tell me that she has her parnossa... is also not a reason, one can always use more. I am so ... um... so... don't even have the words to express so what. Just so greatly amazed (ya, that's a good word) by this kind of kindness - well that would be pun intended - by this kind of altruistic behaviour.
I am filled with the emotional impact of overwhelming awe for such.
(It makes sense.)

AHHH, you see, c, now you not let a me to write in fluff manner anymore..... AHHHHH

Monday, March 3, 2008

Sunday, March 2, 2008

From deep inside....

I cannot tell you how much and from how deep inside of me I thank you and am so grateful to you that you are here with me.
Boruch Hashem.
You had the b'chira chofshis to be anywhere in the world. And you chose to be here - with me.

No words can express the dankbar'nish that I have for you.

The Aibershter sees your kindness.
May he please rain an abundance of revealed brochos onto you.
You should have Menuchas Hanefesh and Menuchas Haguf .
And be so happy for the good you are doing.

May we hear b'suros tovos, and of course the ultimate b'suro tovo - the arrival of the Moshiach Now!


Gan Paz

I've been itching to go to Gan Paz for some time now. The tree is full of over-ripe oranges.
Today I took the liberty, thinking I was all better to go. Oh boy, I overdid it. It sent me right back to bed... :(

I'm gonna get better, I will, I will. I know I will. One day, very soon, I will be able to do as much as I want. I better get better. I could have written this in the "fluff" or "wannabe" (?) style - but didn't...... Heheheee. Anyhow.
And that my friends is the life of O'reilly. No idea who that is, just felt like saying that.

Boruch Hashem

Hodu Lahashem....Ki lolam Chasdoi!

Praise be the Aibershter.

Today I can breathe - without pain.
Today I can walk - without pain.

I am grateful to the Master Healer.
For I was thinking yesterday....
What is the point of one existing in sheer pain?
The only reason I came up with was -to clean my neshomo.
Okay, so now I have a clean neshomo.
Boruch Hashem.

Really though, what is the idea?
What does one gain from pain?
And I'm talking bout people, far keinim gedacht, that have physical suffering ongoing and ongoing ,oy, I can't fathom that.

I heard people walking and talking outside...
Fortunately or unfortunately they don't know to appreciate their every step, their every breath.

For some reason this song is in my head..

Gegaingen iz a ingele,
In feld tzuvish'n zaingen.
Un dort hot ehr,
Der ingele a faygeleh gefangen...

Oy I don't remember the rest..

Correction - on brilliance

Dr. Igasaki doesn't fit to be on my top five.
I would like to remove him, okay so yes his choice of words were clarifying, but not worthy enough...
I would rather, MUCH rather, put my brilliant tochter -
Et Habat Sheli - Mushka..... hehee jk her too, but for real
Habat Hagdola.... poo poo poo k"eh.

Her depth, her breadth, her understanding...
Wonder where she gets it from.... hehe.

AND oh my how could I have forgotten the Rabbi Dr. AB.
My favourite bil.
He is keh takke Barilliyant. Poo Poo Poo....
Maybe that is why I like to be around him...
Not that he shares much of his brilliance with me, but I know it's there.
Whatta mind he has.
Woah. Keh.
The Aibershter should give him long and healthy years...