Thursday, December 27, 2007


That was for you.
Now you're happy?

"Handle with Care" (the butchered version)

The Alter Rebbe.....

talks about me....
Ya hoo!
Rosho V'tov loy -
I guess,
I mean I bet there is some good hidden deep down.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Tzaddik Gomur?

When Reb Chiya wished to ascend to the heichal of Rebi Shimon Bar Yochai, he heard a voice come out and say:

"Whichever of you, before coming here, have converted the darkness of the world to light (holiness), and have transformed the bitter taste of their animal soul and evil inclination to sweetness (holiness).... - only those may enter."

I think 'transformed' is the key word here; to gain the 'Tzaddik Gomur/V'tov loi' status.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


T'is all about Sacrifices.
Yep, all about Sacrifices.
Makes you feel closer to Hashem.
Does it really?
Well, dumbell, it should.
The sacrifices also atone for our sins.
It is a Yid's way of asking for forgiveness from HaShem.

All different kinds.
A name for each there is.
Special occasions calls for special Sacrifices.
Animal Sacrifices or meal-offerings.
What would a human Sacrifice be called?

A human Sacrifice?
Yep, for t'is all about Sacrifices.
It's all about being close to Hashem...

Sacrifice: the surrender, giving up, of something desirable for the sake of something higher

Monday, December 24, 2007


When you are sad.....I will dry your tears.

When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears.

When you are worried.....I will give you hope.

When you are confused.....I will help you cope.

And when you are lost....And can't see the light, I shall be
your beacon.....Shining ever so bright.

This is my oath.....I pledge till the end.

Why you may ask?.....Because you're my friend.

Signed: G-D

Zo Modne...

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli judge has ordered the country's prison authority to pay an inmate over $1,000 in compensation after he complained of having to share a cell with cockroaches.

Mordechai Yehudai filed a lawsuit complaining of poor hygiene, a lack of fresh air, broken windows and inmates who smoke in a handful of cells, a spokeswoman for the Israel Prisons Service said

"The Prisons Service mistreated the plaintiff in a number of ways, including ... broken windows, cockroaches as well as incarceration with smokers," judge Irit Cohen wrote in her verdict, according to newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth.

The spokeswoman said the inmate's cell would be cleaned up. Yehudai has been held in three different prisons and has had complaints about conditions in all of them.

"Prisoners have the right to sue us whenever they see fit and we comply with the court's rulings," she said.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I am a..


A shoyte!

And noch whatta shoyte!

Chalav yisroel

The Alter Rebbe responded that the s.i.l. unwittingly consumed chalav akum, which is only an issur d'rabonon, yet it had such a strong effect on him that it caused him to doubt his faith.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


"Why does the house look so clean?"
"Because da cleaning lady ain't comin' anymore".

Well, I do a way better job than the cleaning lady anyway.
(I hope she doesn't read English).
I clean better, I tidy up better etc...
And I'm so much less expensive!
BUT - what a waste of my time and talents.
Don't you think?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Emunah - pshuta.

What is happening now -
is the best thing that could be happening.
If anything better could have happened -
it would have happened.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Da Teeth.

After all is said and done, mamosh done.

The Dentist will finally be able to afford a Yacht.
The Periodontist a cruise with his family.
The Endodontist, wouldn't put it past him if he bought half of Iran.
And me, little me besides all the pain and more pain, maybe a free mileage ticket (via the credit card).

Being drugged, gives me the feeling like I'm drugged or something.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


You are an idiot if you hope.
You are crazy if you dream.
You are a fool if you believe.
You are a nutcase for trusting.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Since Hashem gave us a brain, why did He need to give us a Torah?

Yanki Tauber.

While reason is a very powerful tool, there is something in the human being that is even more powerful - desire, that creates an ulterior motive which causes one to reason in a particular direction.

When we want something badly, desperately enough, we grab our brain, twist its arm behind its back, and compel it to manufacture such gobilydoop that anyone looking at us from the distance of a generation or a culture away will exclaim, "What happened to that person? Did his brain leak out of his head?". Of course, our brain is right there inside our head. It's even working overtime. It's just that it's running in reverse. Instead of figuring out the truth, it's figuring out how to build a logical foundation for what we want should be the truth.

That is why Hashem gave us the Torah --- a set of truths.
To enable us to know when our brain is running backwards. If the end result of our reasoning and logicizing doesn't mesh with the divine truths in the Torah, then we are doing something wrong.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


V'hinei, this is the obligation of the person that he should think about his Tachlis, for why Hashem created him. (You realize that I'm translating, hence the perfect English :))
And when the person sees that his whole life is epes nisht azoi, his behaviour is not the way it is supposed to be. Whether it is intellectually, or midos wise or his conduct is opposite of how it is supposed to be. That he is occupied with his Gashmiusdika and corporeal needs. And re spiritual matters he thinks very little of. Such behaviour brings the person to become 'fargrebt'. So if the person thinks about it with a clear mind, it will bring about a deep desire in him to do Teshuva and to (meshana zayn) change his ways, to conduct himself B'darkei Hatora V'hamitzva B'yiras Shomayim.
And this is then the meaning of,
"Soif Dovor, Hakol Nishma, Es Ho-elokim Yorai, (?) V'es Mitzvoisov Shmor, Ki Ze Kol Ho-odom."
This (our Torah and Mitzvos) is the ikur reason for Hahsem's uniting the Neshomo Ruchnius and the Guf Gashmi . Which is a unification of total opposites.

Oy , this is pretty hard for me. Hope you are following, because I can't think of making it into proper language....k shhhh, no talking in the middle.
Okay, so ya, total opposites...

It is a union of the very highest and the very lowest. Ochor V'kodom. ( not sure how to pronounce). Like it's written,"Ochor Vakodom Tzartoni", - "Of the last (lowest of levels) and the first (highest of levels) You have formed me."

Ochor is the lowest of the lowest levels, which is the guf of the person, for it is even lower than the guf of animals. In regards to the bodies of animals the chazal say that, "they were created in a whole and complete state." Whereas regarding the man's body it says, "Your eyes saw a shapeless mass."
And Kedem refers to the highest of highest, the Neshomo.
Hashem created the person from the highest level in ruchnius and the lowest level of chumrius(corporeal), which chumrious is more 'greber' (material) than gashmius.
Therefore we see that if ch'vs a person is so 'grob' he may behave more worse than a chaya ro'o. I already said,no commenting on the english.
And on the other hand the person has in him neshomo 'talents' which enables him to reach to the highest ruchnius'dika levels.
And how do we get to these lofty levels?? BY LEARNING TORAH AND DOING MITZVOS WITH YIRAS SHOMAYIM.
This is what it means,
Sof Dovor Hakol Nishma, that the person is a baal sechel, understands and hears how the existence of all creations declares/proclaims - Es Ho-elokim Yorai, fear Hashem and keep His mitzvos.

The end.

oh so the kitzur.

Hashem created man as a composition of ultimate chumrius and ultimate ruchnius.
Therefore man has chumri desires and can also attain the hightest levels of ruchnius thru shmiras Hatorah and Mitzvos with Yiras Shomayim.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


....Malchus is Speech.

The inyan of Dibur is only for another person, this is the difference of thought and speech. Machshovo is for one self and Dibur is for another. (Since kingship is not for oneself but for ruling over another, hence Malchus - Dibur). Speech compared to thought is an illumination, But this illumination comes from a very high source.
The inyan in this is, that in every G-dly understanding, it's to bring him to Avodas Hashem. Which is also true regarding the general concept that all the creations is only a glimmer of G-dliness.
The worlds and creations were created with one word, like we say, "Boruch She-omar V'hoyo Ho-oilom.
And like the Mishna says, B'asoro Ma-amoros Nivra Ha-oilom, V'haloi B'maamar Echod Yochol L'hiborois, which is actually so, Hashem did create with one Maamar , the Maamor of B'reishis and the other nine are only an extension of that first one.
Testing Testing one two three. Just making sure that you are still reading this.
One should also be misbonen, ponder, how you are so not worth much and how trivial you are in relation to the whole universe, and high worlds etc...Yet,yet the person, you, is the ultimate reason for the creation of all the worlds! And from the day and hour that you were created, the malochim and Sfiros wait for your Torah learning !! Woah, huh?
So when the person considers the fact that he is the tachlis of everything that hashem created, it is all for him, like the mishna says Kol Echod V'echod Chayov Lomar Bishvili Nivra Ha-olam, then he will apply himself diligently to learning Torah and fulfilling the mitzvos.

Okay so, B'isvili Nivra Ha-olam, Olam - Helem, concealment.
Our bodies hide our Neshomo. We see the guf but not the Neshomo.
So this is the meaning of the Mishna.
The person says for me was created the (world) 'concealment' that through my learning Torah and doing Mitzvos the concealment will be removed and the Ohr of Hashem will be revealed!

Sifiras Hamlchus is dibbur, which is for someone else.
B' 10 Maamoros Nivra Ha-olam.
A person is the reason for creation, and the Chayos of all the worlds is dependent on his Torah and Mitzvos.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Today was Sheina's Birthday (Article)

Today was Sheina's birthday.

This morning before she went off to school, I said to her:

"Sheina, today is your birthday, you are thirteen years old."

She showed me thirteen in ASL (American Sign Language).

"Look, we got you a chocolate birthday cake, with flowers and cream, just the kind you so enjoy.

She displayed excitement.

"You will take it to school and give a piece to Chris” (her autistic friend). She smiled.

“And a piece to Mr. Parker, (the teacher) to Jovanni, (her aid) to Maria (her shadow) and everyone else in the class.”

She nodded.

She was happy.

That was the point.

And off she went to her special school.

I sat down, said some extra Prayers for her and

I wondered if she even comprehended what a birthday is,

Besides that you get to enjoy some gooey cake.

Then I went to my room, closed the door and cried.

I cried -

for Sheina is different.

Once a year, when I take the day to think and reflect on the past, I cry.

I deserve this luxury, don't I?

I cry because at age thirteen Sheina still needs to be dressed, is still using diapers. I am still feeding her and

washing her,

And it is really truly hard!

My eyes still wet, I remembered the conversation I had with my new friend, Sara, who asked me to tell her about the challenges of living with a special needs child.

Without thinking I said to her,

"Why would you ask me to tell you about the challenges of living with a special needs child. Go ask someone who has challenges...."

(I was thinking of the story, of a man who asked the Baal Shem Tov how it is possible to fulfill the requirement to bless G-d for the bad things no less than for the good ones, and to accept them with joy to boot.

The Baal Shem Tov told him to go and pose the very same question to his student, Reb Zushe of Anipoli and he would receive an answer.

Upon finding Reb Zushe the man observed more suffering and hardship than he had ever seen. Reb Zusha was a frightful pauper, with never enough to eat in his home.

His family was beset with all sorts of afflictions and illnesses, yet he remained good-humored and cheerful.

When the man explained the purpose of his visit and awaited the answer, Reb Zushe, with a puzzled look replied "I think there must be a mistake.How would I know? The Rebbe should have sent you to someone who has experienced suffering.")

Oh, now don't get me wrong. I most definitely have challenges, struggles, but not necessarily more from my special child.

I always say, there are "G-d given problems" and, although everything is from G-d, there are "Man-made problems" struggles, confrontations and issues that we create.

Giving birth to a "challenged" child is a "G-d given problem" those problems we just take. We just accept without calculations. What else can we do?

Sheina was just given to us. She is different, not the typical child we are used to. But her soul is perfect; nothing can mar it. We have nothing to add.

When we give birth to a “normal” child, G-d says, "Here, take this thing and mold him/her into a mentch! Do the best you can with this lump, shape him, guide him etc."

And we try so hard, we never know if we are doing the right thing, we never know how our efforts or decisions will affect this child. What worked for one will not necessarily work for the other. We worry and worry (as if that helps).

We pray and we pray. And then we pray some more.

We wish for the perfect results. Then if, heaven protect us, the child doesn't "turn out" as we planned it, doesn't follow our roadmap, goes off the beaten path... then, oh woah, we are devastated! We are ashamed, we feel like we failed.

Now, that is a challenge.

Sheina, on the other hand, came to me molded already. It was nurturing she needed. G-d said, "Here is this thing, take her home and take extra good care of her, for she is special."

So, yes, though she is now thirteen I still need to wash her, feed her, diaper her,

but I don't have any of the worries (or shtick) from her that I’ve had from my other teenagers. I’m not concerned that she will mix with bad friends or stay out late. I don't have the worry that she will go off the beaten path.

Sheina is non-verbal,her limited communication delivered

via sign-language.

There will be no chutzpa coming out of her mouth, no defiance, no talking back. Her soul is pure.

When we are out in the public, yes she will do embarrassing things, make weird noises and attract attention. Yet the shame I have is nothing compared to the shame and deep pain I experience when my other "challenges" (a.k.a. children) choose to disregard or confront me.

That is something to cry about.

So I wiped my tears,

Came out of my room, and continued to live.

For these are the regular ups and downs of our lives.

It is all part of Tzaar Gidul Bonim,

The pain and anguish that comes with raising children.

As I thought about it I wondered,

Perhaps these are MY GROWING pains...

So if you ask me, what are my challenges living with a special needs child?

I will ask you what are your challenges living your “normal” life? Are they really any less?

We attempted to give Sheina an especially joyous day.

She partied with lots of her favorite foods.

We Sang Happy Birthday to her,

Put extra coins in the Charity box,

Said some Torah Passages.

Her volunteer came and brought her new nail polish, a rainbow of colors.

She got a balloon and two new sets of memory games.

Sheina was happy. And so was I.

Thank G-d.

Doughnut Tidbits

Doughnuts are thought to have originated in 16th century Holland.They were cooked in oil, and were so greasy that the Dutch called them "oily cakes".
The Pilgrims brought them when they came to America.Their version: a round doughty ball about the size of a nut, hence the name doughnut.

Today, in the U.S alone, over 10 billlion doughnuts are made every year.

The largest doughnut ever was an American style jelly doughnut, made in Utica, NY in 1993. It weighed 1.7 tons and measured 16 feet in diameter.

John Haight holds the Guinness World Record for doughnut eating set back in 1981 an astounding 29 doughnuts in just over six minutes!


Sunday, November 18, 2007


It is known that the creation of the world and all it's creations are thru the Sefira of Malchus. Thru S. of Malchus Hashem gives chayos to the world and all the creations, like it is written,Malchuscho Malchus kol oilomim . The reason is because, Hashem kavayochel, Olo Birtzoinoi the inyan of Melucha. So from this Meluchscho comes Malchus kol Oilomim, all the worlds created.
So we understand from this that the entire inyan of all creations, worlds only a ray , which is the inyan of Melucha, which is an extension - extension shows that it is a ray.

As we see b'gashmius, a king in his country, whether it is in big cities where big people run the place or small cities where not such big people run it also in towns and villages, so every law that pertains to the country and its inhabitants is done according to the leadership of the king. Everything, everywhere in the entire country is done in the name of the king, so when the leaders say something in the name of the king everyone stands with kovad as if the king himself was here. It's not that the king is everywhere, it is only the NAME of the king, the name of the king is spread all over, extended all over the country.
The same thing here, we will understand in Sefiras Hamalchus, that it is only an extension , we say, Melech Shmoy nikro Alayhem, the citizens of a country are not the king's children, it is only that his name is on them.The same in Sefiros Hamalchus, that it is only a ray, therefore Sefiros Hamalchus is called Dibbur Ho-elyoin.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

No words.

Their eyes met.
Their hearts - connected

I noticed that, did anyone else?
I wonder.

And he drove off.


Depression, (not the clinical kind), is the soul calling. The soul crying out.
When the soul is hungry, you get depressed.
Depression is the soul saying,"I am not satisfied".
You are not fulfilling your soul's calling. Therefore you are feeling down.
Animals do not get depressed, for they are always doing what they are supposed to be doing.
Human beings do get depressed because if you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing- your soul will cry to you.
More sensitive people are more aware of this calling.
Depression is a wake-up call from the soul saying, "I'm not happy, do something".


Monday, November 12, 2007


Sof Dovor Hakol Nishma es Hoelokim Yoray v'es Mitszvoisov Shmor ki ze kol Ho-odom.
Meaning, this what we understand from everything is that we need to fear Hashem and keep his Mitzvos because this is the only point of the person, the only reason man was created.
As it is written,
Onoichi osisi eretz,V'odom Oleho Borosi.
Hashem, kavayochol, says, that the reason He created the earth, meaning brias ho-olom, is for odom, and odom means yidden. Like it is written, Vo-etno tzoini tzoin mareesi, odom atem. The Gemoro says Atem kruyim Odom. And so for the Yidden the world was created.
Breishis Borah Elokim Es Hashomayim....
Beis (2) Raishis, the Torah and the Yidden both are called Raishis, and so the World was created for the two of them, that the Yidden should learn the Torah and do It's Mitzvos and through that there is Kiyum Ho-olom.

Like it says in the Gemoro, that if the Yidden will keep the Torah, then good, if not then He will return it to Toihu Va'voihu.
The Medrash says, In what zchus is the world existing? In the Zchus of the Mitzvos, (eidus, V'hachukim, v'hamishpotim).
And this is what the Posuk means,
V'odom Oleho Borosi. the reason Hashem created the Odom, which the meaning of Odom is not only the Guf, but also the Neshomo, which she is chelek eloka m'maal.
The Guf without the Neshomo is called Bosor Vodom.
The Neshomo alone is called Nishmas Odom.
A Neshomo IN a Guf is called ODOM.
V'odom Oleho Borosi.

Borosi is b'gematria taryag.
B'riyas Ho-odom is in order that he be m'kayim the taryag mitzvos with yiras shomayim.
And it's written, V'hoelokim oso she'yiru milfonov, the inyan of Yiro comes from the name of Elokim dafka, therefore it says Es Ho'elokim Yiray.

Tachlis of Man - Torah and Mitzvos, for that was the condition of Hashem.
Odom = Neshomo B'guf.
Yiro from Shem Elokim.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


It is all in the color and design -
of the tissue box, that is.
If it's green, then ya...
Same goes for the new sheets, they are green,
so, ya...
And not the same thing, but if you wear stuff that are a bit
small on you, then you may, or may not, look smaller, but then if
you wear them a bit bigger then you may, or may not, feel smaller.
But if it has green, then ya....

So whatever....

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Free to be.

Flying high.

Feeling light.

Fun - oh woah!

Inner peace.

Clear mind.

Happy heart.




'Black Peurto-Rican Jew.'
Kach haya katoov al ha-otto shelo.

I align my car next to his to ask him,
I quickly change my mind and speed away....

He looked scary.
Big ugly black face.
Cigar dangling from mouth.
Jewelry galore.
And a caskette, well, a leather one.

Okay, so the Black, I picked up.
And the Jew, I guess, the almost caskette -
What was the Peurto-Rican part?

Hey, do I need to remind you that Isaidstam?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

che che or hehe

Alta was introducing the letter "ches" to her students in hebrew school. She asked them if anyone knew what holiday was coming up that starts with the letter "ches".
They answer "CHALLOWEEN!"

They couldn't comprehend why hanukkah became chanukah and halloween doesn't become challoween.

Monday, October 29, 2007


Being the Moishe Oofnick that I was today, I couldn't decide what I wanted at the fish store.
I tell Mr. Fish Guy that I woke up tzukrochen today, therefore can't think what I need.
He thinks me is like that because I didn't have a good nights sleep.

Confirms that I speak Hebrew.
Baby wakes up every night.
Mom is tired.
"Dani, don't you ever hear the baby?! Does it ever cross your mind to maybe get up for him?"
"For sure I do", he says, "But,
Rabos machshovos b'lev ish, va-atzas Hashem - (sh') hee takum."


Stam a mayse she-hoyo

"Kids are curious", he says.
"Yep", I say, "She just asked me why the leaves are falling".

Mr. Strange Stranger continues,
"The other day I was with some kids and they copy everything, I just wanted to freeze, so they don't imitate me....."

I say, "Just do good, and they will copy that".

He liked that.
We parted.
He calls after me from the corner,
"Define good!"

I turn around and smile.
Thumbs up.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Tzedoko before davening..

Asking the Aibershter for stuff, that He should give us, is basically asking for handouts, Tzedoko.
(Do we deserve anything? I personally think ya.)
So t'is a good idea for us to give Tzedoko before davening too.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


A BROCHA is Milmaalo l'mato.
The "stuff" (brochos) is up there, it just needs to be pushed down.
THAT a Tzaddik can give, for he is higher than the source of where the Brocha is, hence he can push it down to us.
Hence the Tzaddik says, "The Aibershter should bentch you...."
D'haynu, it's there - just someone higher can push it down.

The Rebbe said, that actually any yid can give brochos too.

The Brocha works. Ayy, you didn't get it, you didn't see it...
That is your problem, the brocha needs a Keili to contain it.
(Mion ho-ora: it's all a brocha, sometimes the brocha is not what we think it is, or what we think we need or want...., lifamim the brocha is NOT having... therefore I wish for being able to SEE the brocha, revealed brochas, please and thank you.)

TEFILLA is Milmato l'maalo.
Coming from down here, from us, lower to higher.
Kol echad yachol l'hitpalel.
And if we have a need, it is a biblical command to Daven.
For that is what Hashem wants.
Tefilla is asking Hashem to create that what we want.
Meaning, it is not there, but we are asking/begging that it should be His will.
Yehi Rotzon.....

to be continued... maybe...

Monday, October 22, 2007


By Emi Foulk

TOKYO (Reuters) - Self-cooling clothes may seem like the stuff of science fiction, but for one Japanese company they are not only good business but a way to help the environment.

Shirts and jackets made by Kuchou-fuku -- literally "air-conditioned clothes" -- keep the wearer comfortable even in sweltering heat while using one-50th of the energy of a small air conditioner, said Hiroshi Ichigaya, the company's


"Until now, air-conditioning implied cooling the entire room. Now, we can cool just the body," Ichigaya said.

Two small fans sewn into the back of each garment and powered by a pocket-sized rechargeable battery pack circulate air across the wearer's skin, evaporating perspiration and keeping temperatures down -- a welcome respite from Japan's mid-summer humidity and record-breaking heat in recent days.

The self-cooling clothes come in 10 styles and a variety of colors, all priced at 11,000 yen ($96) and sold on the internet and at limited retailers.

The company has sold about 5,500 of the garments since they went on sale three years ago, mostly to factory workers.

But however cool the clothes, they seem unlikely to catch on any time soon. Because the fans puff out the garments with air, they give wearers a deceptively portly look.

"My daughter won't wear them because the shape is no good," Ichigaya admitted.

A La Park

Today at the park, yes i was the oldest one there, with my own child and speaking eingelish -
The Israeli was the loudest.
She wanted to know how old the armenian/russian kid was, when she was toilet trained.
Da Nanny, no pinimayish ma ze 'toilet trained'.
"You know, make peepee in da toilet..."
But somehow I felt a kinship towards her, you know from the same nation....

Sunday, October 21, 2007

40 something.....

Friend turned 40 -
Mazel Tov, nice age.
Ben arboyim l'bina -
it's official now.

Oh no, she says -
that is old -

Vos epes? I say,
It's a Status !!

Status ???
No way, old.

Oy vey, poor woman.

To me old is maybe -
if you are not feeling well-

To me 40 was special,
(such a long time ago, heheee)

It was a status.
T'was special.
Bought myself a real big expensive piece of jewelry.
I was all grown up.
And now i can eat as many doughnuts as i want....
hee haw.....

Friday, October 19, 2007

Dancing with Porcupines

Relationships with SUP's are like dancing with a porcupine.

The great Ice Hockey player Wayne Gretzky was quoted as saying, "I'm not the fastest, nor the strongest, but I know how to keep my eye on the puck."
The possibilities are the puck.
Keeping your eye on the possibilities is tricky when you are dancing with a porcupine. It takes a lot of sheer willpower to focus on the possibilities when you keep being stuck by the quills.
If you want relief beyond relief, you must learn to dance with the porcupines.

Davening. (Igerres Kodesh 24)

The Alter Rebbe condems those, who during Davening, engage in idle chatter.

Talking during Davening shows that we have no desire to behold the G-dliness that is revealed specifically during that time.

This insensitivity is described with a moshel from the Zohar.
How for years a king hides his majestic splendor behind locked doors; those of his subjects who have the saichel to value that splendor, eagerly wait for years on end until they are granted a glimpse of it; others are so narish and kinda chutzpadik that they show no interest.

The time of Davening is a precious time 'down here', echoing a favourable, auspicious time Above.
Above, the Alter Rebbe says, is a time of Mochin D'Gadlus, a time of sublime illumination in the upper worlds.
In order to receive the revelation which becomes possible at the time of Davening , that time needs to be used for meditation on the greatness of Hashem. But for this to work, the Davener still needs to make a window in his heart, so that the revelation that illuminates his mind during davening will radiate its warmth into his heart.

It is also a dishonor to the King, when we show Him that we do not care to delight ourselves in His glory and beauty , we care more to busy ourselves with our own needs, i.e. shmoozing (or thinking about other stuff).

So now when I Daven I try to think of the Aibershters vast treasures and how I need to stand before Him in awe, and concentrate on the Tefillos. And what chutzpa it would be for me to let the King of kings wait for me while I wander off......

Thankyou Sholom B. Wineberg

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Dear Diary, (Freindship)

Wonderful news!

Do you remember a couple of weeks ago my friend threw a “Good-Bye Party” for


Well, it wasn't actually a party,

it was more like one day her saying,

"Hey, DL, I think our friendship ain't a positive thing,

go find yourself another friend,

take a hike,

good-bye and good luck".

Well, she didn't really say, "take a hike"

But it felt like that.

I had enjoyed her friendship,

didn't want to lose her.

I was "down".

And very lonely.

And so I took a hike…

And on my hike trekking through sadness,

I found …Him!

I found my True Friend!

Actually, we were old acquaintances.

He knew me from beginning of time

And was always there for me.

I had never realized,

that He is my One and Only

BEST best Friend.

He is NEVER too busy for me.

I can call on Him day or night,

rain or shine.

When things are looking up, He is here to rejoice with me.

When life feels sad, dark or lonely,

He is the moon of my night.

He cries with me, laughs with me (mostly He laughs at me).

He makes me feel better.

He is my real Buddy!

I learned that He likes when I talk to Him.

He expects me to beg Him for things;

He appreciates my praises to Him.

I get “points” when I bless Him.

Extra points when I bless Him for the stuff that doesn’t seem right,.

Bonus points when I do anything for Him with joy.

He answers me in interesting ways.

Sometimes He doesn't even answer, or so it appears to me.


I have a guarantee from Him.

And I trust Him.

He told me, that He has opened an account for me, something like a custodian account.

He keeps depositing rewards for me, and when the right time comes they will be mine.

I get rewards deposited, when I perform His will,

Especially when it clashes with my will.

Knowing that I have this account,

helps me to be kinder than necessary.

I know that my account is growing when I bite my lips rather than answer my insulter.

I know my account is expanding when I am patient, especially when I am cranky.I hope to reach that level of doing for Him out of love and awe and not for the rewards.

I look up, literally and figuratively, to my Benefactor when I'm feeling down and He reminds me to smile.

He understands me.

He likes me,


Even though it may seem like He gives me troubles, pain, punishment and I am suffering,

He told me He loves me and it is all really good. Especially good for me.

And I believe Him.

Like when my three year old asks me for another

lollipop and I do not allow, She pleads and argues.

I smile but

Still refuse, saying for her own good I will not give her another one.

She starts to cry.

Why can't she have it?

Because I love her too much.

In her eyes, I am mean and heartless.

The truth, I am kind.

I am saving her teeth and preventing a sugar overdose.

She cannot comprehend that.

She needs to learn to trust me.

I understand her confusion.

When He gave me a gift that didn't "look" too pretty, He said, it's just the

wrapping, inside you will see it's a treasure. She is our "special child".

(I think of my account when I take care of her).

Special things come from high sources, and in descent to the world may

manifest in the form of suffering.

He helped me become aware of His great love for me, a love that is expressed

by, "running me through the washing machine".

The more I'm put through the wringer, my account swells.

I look up and wink at Him.

(Are the stars, Him winking back?)

L'chayim to

my new found Friend,

my Companion,

my Healer,

my Buddy!

I call Him,


My Father.

We call Him,

Ovinu Malkeinu

Our Father, Our King.

Can you beat having such a friend??

Now, it's time for a real party, a Welcoming Party, This time I will hike through the mountains of life with joy.

Now when I am asked if I am alive because I am alive,

or am I alive because a truck didn't run me over, I can confidently answer,

"I am truly alive"

For I have acquired for myself a REAL Friend.

My Father, Our King.

I don't think "friend" will show up to my party.

But I know she will rejoice in my discovery.

Oh, dear Diary,

Life is good.

Over and out -


Thursday, September 6, 2007

Ze Hayoim T'chilas Ma-asecho...

Ki al yedei Ma-aseinu Va-avoidoseinu Na-aseh Nachas Ruach L'ma-ala...

Through our avoda, (Torah & mitzvos), we can reach real "high", then we have "a gift" ( cheifetz chesed) from above to go even higher... all because of - our Neshomo.

Mesiras Nefesh is the Avoido now, for we must DO without "seeing", without comprehending and witout "feeling" etc... the Aibershter ,
with mesiras nefesh, just because Hashem said...

D'haynu, we do without "seeing, feeling"... etc the Aibershter,
as they did in the times of the Beis Hamikdosh.
Then, OUR work will last, no golus after this one.
For we did it with MN. !!!!

Monday, September 3, 2007

check this out....

And mum takes a bow.


Can they be "Good Friends", yet not good for each other ?
Does that mean they are "Bad Friends"?
No, they are not bad friends.
While not being able to be "Good Friends",
does that deduce them to
being "Bad Friends"?
They are not Bad.
They are very Good.
Yet they cannot be friends.
They cannot be "Good Friends".
Too bad. (No pun intended.)
For they were "Good Friends".
But it was Bad.
So now that they are not "Good Friends"
Is that Good?

Okay, I got it!!
They were "Good Friends ",
in a "Bad Friendship".

Saturday, August 18, 2007

she is SO funny.

I think we could have been friends.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


Today i was contemplating making the brocha of She-he'chyonu....

Phone rings..


"Hi, this is ...... and i was your son .....'s counsellor.
I'm just calling to say thank you for the tip....."

I'm speechless.
I'm in shock.

"Uh, uh...
Your welcome, uh.. thank YOU for being his counsellor..."
Trying to sound composed... say a few words more to him.

By now i got my bearings together.
" You are not from Crown Heights, are you ? "

The Punchline :
Yes ! he is from Crown Heights.

Shehechyonu .....V'higiyonu l'zman hazeh.

I wished him well, gave him brochos....

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Toda La'hashem

You see?
Hashem listened to me.

Today Sheina had her seizure -
in bed.
That is the perfect, safety-wise, place to have it.

Thankyou Thankyou,
this is MUCH easier to handle.

Now Hashem, what about the other stuff
i asked you about??
Pleeeeaaaassssse .... oh pretty pleeeeeaaaaaaassssse...

Thanking You in advance.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Very very stam

I used to have a cute nose, or so i thought.

I liked my nose.
It was... umm.. it was, well, it was - cute.
It was the best part of my face, or so i thought.

But today i looked at my face in the mirror , v'lo matzati
da cute nose.
Either it left with my youth or with my weight.
Bein kach, u'bein kach..
ain li my cute nose.
nu ... nu...


Sunday, August 5, 2007


You can be, with G-d.
You can be, against G-d.
But you can't be, without G-d.

b'shem omroy,
dvd, gag u'magag

Zoraya TZEDOKO Schar Emes... Mishlei..

Again, trying to clarifize in my cluttered head.
Bilti muga.

The reward for TZEDOKO is TRUTH.
The reward is TRUTH. ( Not that it's a true reward..)

There are two levels of Ahava,
and two levels of Yirah.

The first level we need to aquire on our own, thru contemplation of Hashem's greatness.
The second level, comes to us as a gift from the Aibershter.

This second level is referred to as "truth", for He is the true Truth.
So the love and fear that come from Him ( as the gift to us) are "truth".

How can we merit this loftier level, "The truth of Hashem" ?
By arousing great compassion by Hashem.
How do we arouse the Supernal compassion from the truth of Hashem?
( C0mpassion for others.)

B'very B'kitzur...
The reward for our acts of Tzedoko, is the TRUTH of Hashem, (one of) which is the higher level of Ahava and Yiro for us.


Thank you my Rebbe.
Thank you my father.
Thank you Ma Bell.

She's Alive.
She's Living.

Boruch Hashem.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


Yet Living.

Heart is pumping.
Yet she's Dead.

Brain is functioning.
Yet she's Dead.

Physically alive.
Yet Dead.

She Quit.
She's gone, without wind.

Awaiting -
Boruch Ato Hashem
M'chaya Hamaisim.

Hopefully very very soon.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Ze lo hachochma sheli, lo zocheret mi amar et ze.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Looks like the end is coming near...

I just realized that Today is almost over, and this is the first day since i started that ich hob gornisht geshribben.
So i decided to chap arein and chotch write a few words.
Basically oy i only have one minute left..... till the clock turns 12:00

Hey, the time is a few minutes earlier here, maybe it writes it when i started.

So, as i was saying, it looks like i'm winding down.
Ein Chadash Tachat Hashemesh.
And I'm wondering if maybe i am going back to how
things used to be....
Keep things to myself more...

Actually, we will see what happens....

Monday, July 30, 2007

Dear Diary, page 2.

I'm debating whether to tell you this, because basically i was a fool. Maybe still am. I guess once a fool always a fool. Unless you take the lesson, G-d throws you, seriously.
Anyhow not to get distracted, you know Dear Diary, i have a tendency to do that, go off onto something totally random...
B'kitzur, or as they say to make a short story long....

I was at the shore, and a Fish jumped in my lap. Really, it's true, i know you don't believe me. Okay, so i did put some bait out. Anyhow, cute cute Fish, with a cute cute nose. Do fish have a nose? It was my "treasure". We talked, we played, we swam etc... Then i put the Fish in my back pocket for safe keeping, but it kept squirming in there. Oy to me that i wasn't sensitive enough to my poor Fish. I'm like, "Why are you being so jumpy in there?" Not getting the HINT that i need to throw it back into the ocean... and let it live.

Oy to me.

Do you see Dear Diary, why i was a fool ?

And why am i still a fool?
Dear Diary that would be way too foolish of me to tell you. ;)
(Al Tishali Oti, 3 words...)


Friday, July 27, 2007


How did i not get the hint???
What is with me?
Do i never get hints?
Oh and mind you,
It wasn't only one hint.

I guess i didn't want to get it.

Big time Oy.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Tidbits of Today's Shiur...

The Gift.
The gift of attending Rabbi Shusterman's Chassidus Shiur.

The Maamor they were in the middle of was,
"Mayim Rabim lo Yuchlu l'chvos es ha'ahava.... "
How charming.

Three interpretations of "ECHOD".
1) Only ONE. No other G-ds, no idols.
2)No one BUT Him, d'haynu, He don't have any partners. Shituf.
Only the Yidden arenot permitted to believe in Shituf.
An example of Shituf would be,
if we believed that our Parnossa comes from our hard work or our ingeniosity.
We cannot give credence to Parnossa itself, it's all Hashem.
Parnossa should not and cannot interfere with our learning or doing what Hashem wants.
Parnossa is like the axe that you chop with, just the vehicle.
Therefore you do not praise the axe for doing the job.
If you do, that is Shituf.

3) ONE. Noone LIKE Him. Ain Kayotzei boi.
Hashem is "Finite AND Infinite"
His Finite is Infinite and
His Infinite is Finite.
Not a concept we can comprehend.
(But IS nevertheless.)

The punchline here : (my own)
When we do a Mitzvah, WE REVEAL THAT LEVEL OF HASHEM !!
(the level that shows that ECHOD.)

This is interesting:
Because Hashem is Finite and Infinite,
He can make a square circle.
He can reveal time and place ABOVE time and place.
An example we have for this is in the Kodesh Hakodoshim,
The ARON -
10 amos measured from one end of Aron to the wall.
10 amos from the other end of the Aron to the wall.

The Aron was 21/2 amos in length.
If you measured from one end of the Kodesh Hakodoshim to the other
it was 20 amos !!
The Aron didnt take up any physical space!

Now how is that for OUR G-D?

11 Menachem Av

In the year 5561/1801
The Alter Rebbe Leaves S. Petersburg, after his second term of imprisonment.

In the year 5624/1864
Passing of Rabbi Hillel of Paritch.

Reb Hillel Paritcher, ranks among the most celebrated of Chabad Chasidim.
He was married before he was 13, therefore his nickname Chol Hamoed, he wore a tallis before wearing tefillin.

Perhaps more on him later, maybe not.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Trying to make heads and tails...
My own Jargon, bilti muga..

There are 2 aspects to loving the Aibershter.

The Chitzoniyus -
The Pnimiyus.

The Chitzoniyus of the heart is the love that flares up from our own work in understanding and meditating and knowing the greatness of Hashem, ain sof.
This is a revealed love in one's heart.

The Pinimius of the heart is the innermost point of the heart - the depth of the heart.
This cannot be achieved on our own, it is given to the soul as a gift. And our task is to discover it within ourselves.
A Yid's love for the Aibershter may be so great that it touches his soul's essence which transcends logic and reason. (like when something is very n'goya us, it touches us so deeply, that we end up saying or doing things without logic and reason.)

The Pinimius of the heart, is a radiation of Chochma, which has there concealed the actual light of Hashem.
And this is the Ni'tzutz Elokus that is in every Jewish soul. The Shechina.
The reason that not every one is zoche to the service of a Pinimi, is that the Shechina is in Golus, it is in a state of Captivity.

There are 2 aspects to Bris Milah.

The Milah - Orlah gasa - thick foreskin. -----Coarse desires.
The Priya - Klipa daka - thin membrane. --- Subtle desires.

We need to circumcise the desires of the heart.
Just as in bris mila, same applies here,
a person needs to remove the coarse desires as well as the more subtler ones.

To remove the foreskin of our heart, a Yid can do himself with proper Teshuva, but the innermost point of our heart is still covered by klipah., for it is in captivity.
When Moshiach comes, Hashem will perform the ultimate circumcision our hearts...
( i believe though that we are able to experience the removal and have the Shechina out of captivity for a few moments, and that is DURING DAVENING.)

A way to achieve the removal of the spiritual foreskin to by giving TZEDAKA.


Dear Diary,

What's da use of the treasure, if i ain't usin' it?

I had a Gem, okay technically i still have it, but if i ain't usin' it ; it almost feels like i don't have it.
The Treasure is safely in my back pocket. You know, Diary, it's a good feeling to have something precious in your back pocket, kind of like in an emergency, but then its so hard to determine when is it really an emergency or not. If there are tears, is that an emergency? How about if i know, and say to myself, "This too will pass". Then i guess its never a major emergency, bh for that. But how about minor issues... like stam... can i use my Gem then? Ah, you don't know what to tell me.

When does the period go in the quotations? And when does the period go inside the parenthesis?
Ah, its so freeing and so cool to write without all those silly dots...., especially when it's just you and me here.

Anyhow back to the issue at hand.
My Treasure.

Will the value of It be depreciated if i do use it too much?
Will It's value diminish if not used?
Which do i want?
(Ringing in my ears, oysh. "Replace that Jewel....")

Am i confused? crazy? lonely? immature ?
Don't answer.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Riboynoy Shel Oilom Hareini Moichel. Period.

The Riboinoy Shel Oilom I Hereby Forgive

You build me character.
You make me stronger.

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Today, G-d Almighty, you have broken me.
My heart, and my back.
Today, Aibershter, you have outdone yourself.

You have given me Sheina.
Thank you very much.
Did i ever complain to you?
Did i ever say take her back?
You tested me and you tested me.
I think i passed, maybe not with flying colors -
but passed nonetheless.

It's about her Seizures,
that i would like to discuss with you today.
They are always frightening.
It aint easy for me to watch her turn blue and shake.
L'tza'areinu harav, i've become sort of accustomed to them.
Any loud "bang" -
Uh oh, Sheina.
I run,
she is on the floor blue and shaking...
But Master of the Universe !
What happened, You got bored?
The regular seizures, the ones she doesnt get majorly hurt
wasn't good enough to break me???
Not enough that You gave her a seizure while i was
washing her in the shower??
Not enough that she fell flat on her face,
lost a tooth ???
(Which by the way, we are still going for appt's. to take care of that one.
And You know how much i hate appt's.)
Yes, i must admit though You were always kind enough to make sure
someone else was home,
to throw me a pillow to count with me,
to help get her out of the bath.
Someone to help me carry her into bed.
And stam, someone to be with me, to stop my shaking...
Do i thank YOU for this consideration?
I guess so. Boruch Hashem.
Oh, i also want to thank You for the time that You made me look
at the exact second i did,
and managed to catch her in mid-air.
That was something.

I never kvetched to You about her.
(okay maybe i did, once in while..)
I took it.
I call it a "G-D Made Problem."
Those problems, you just take.

But today, Aibershter, you broke me!
Not only was i home alone,
(okay Mushka was home, but You try getting her to help...)
But Ribono Shel Olam,
Such a wham?!
She just had one last week !
I heard the scratch of the chair -
ran to the playroom...
find her flat on her face, in a pool of blood,
blue and shaking....
I know not to move her,
but hey i got to see where she is bleeding from.
Forget the counting.
I find a towel, put it under her face.
Her hair is in blood, got to tie it back.
"Mushka, braing a ponytail far sheina's hor".
I'm meanwhile trying to support her head a bit,
so she doesnt hurt herself more.
Mushka: "Why s'rait?" (blood)
"Vu Sheina hot a boo boo?"
"Mushka braing mamie epes far Sheina's herelach!"
The more i'm yelling, the slower she went.
I calmly say: "Mushka gei shnel."
Then, knock, knock, knock, knock....
I'm thinking, "Yes, maybe someone came home to help me."
For by now Sheina is very agitated.
I'm nervous.
I dont want her choking on the blood.
knock, knock, knock, knock...
I cannot get up to get the door, for i'm supporting her head,
watching her,trying to get her out of the blood,
cleaning her as much as i can...
AND trying to answer Mushka's 99 questions as calmly as possible.
"Mushka, gei tzu di tir..."
Gritting my teeth,
"Mushka, gei tzu di tir..."
She starts to go.. comes back...
"I scared.."
It's the neighbour's kid, he left his ball here earlier.
Now Sheina wants to get up, to go to bed.
She needs support otherwise she will fall again and hurt herself.
But, You see Master Planner,
I don't really have the koach to lift her by myself..
I guess You wanted to show me that i could,
but did You remember my back?...

Painstakingly, i managed to clean her up, change her clothes,
support her up, walk her to bed, change her diaper...
"Mushka braing me the wipes".
"Where?, which?"
Oh no, Sheina is about to fall again,
wham, half on half off the bed.
All the while, mind you,
Mushka hacking me with her string of questions...

Swollen lip,
deformed cheek,
bloody nose.
And only You G-d, knows to what extent the damage inside
her mouth is.
And only You G-d, knows to what extent the damage inside
my heart is.

Today you have broken me.


Friday, July 20, 2007

Sun's Rays

The rays of the sun.

There are no "rays" IN the sun.
As soon as rays hits its source, the sun,
IT (the ray) becomes sun.

There is no Memale kol Olmin IN the or ein sof.
As soon as it hits its source,
IT becomes the Or ein sof.
The only way to release the ray,
is thru tzimtzum...
the kav etc....

Thursday, July 19, 2007


What gives the power and strenght to the FAITH (mosne'ho-loins)
to support/sustain the INTELLECT (head) that contemplates Hashem's greatness, and the LOVE and FEAR (arms) of Hashem?
( The loins support the upper body).

The Torah is the food that nourishes the soul's faith.

"There is no strength but Torah".

"Girding one's loins" in order to arouse a love and fear of Hashem...
The ideal time for this is during Davening.
Davening is the ideal opportunity to meditate on the Greatness of Hashem and to create within himself a feeling of awe and love of Him.

Concentrate during Davening from the depths of the heart.

(thankyou "lessons in Tanya",
this Sholom Ber Wineberg, he's good.)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Party in the Nine Days??!

How takke did they make a grand party in the Nine Days ?
che che..

How do we know that Kamtza and Bar Kamtza were fat?
It says so in Gemoro Chullin.
It talks about different fats, namely,
Chemtza, and Bar Chemtza.
(they are actually stomach fats of animal,
which are/aren't kosher etc...)

The Ring Story

Jewish World Review

Read it a very long time ago, and was wowed,
but i dont believe it.

CAN such a story really happen?

K'mayim Haponim L'ponim...

Under investigation...

Reflecting upon Hashem's infinite kindness to us, will result in a reaction of "K'mayim Haponim..." revealing within us what is naturally already there, awe and love of Hashem and yearning to cleave to Him....(todays Tanya).

Whereas, when we show our face in the water, there is no effort, it is an automatic reflection.
Hence my wondering, and forshening.
Aye likes Bee.
Aye would do anything for Bee.
Aye would love to spend time with Bee.
K'mayim Haponim... you would think, right?
The reflection is epes cloudy.
How come?

Still investigating what the Posuk
means? And if we do need to meditate then
its the responsibilty of Bee to WANT to
connect etc.
Its our obligation to think about and contemplate about the
Aibershter's love towards us.
I guess it stops there.
Bee is not obligated to do anything, right?
So what does the possuk mean?

Just thinking to myself.
Been thinking bout it for a while.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Memory Lane.

Stam right?
I said stam.

Israel, folded arms, Mimi, Chaya, Chava, no birthday call, extremely busy, Gary, swimming pool, Ber L., Dictionary, Fish, heCS, sheCS, floor/broom, Moshe Ganz hall, Y.O.E.C., Beis Betzalel, ultra, Brocha, telephone wires, pushka,
My password,Canuck, car mechanic, Machon Lev, James, fluffy towels/suitcase, Hesder guys, Shua, convertible, Simi K., red hearts, after the 3rd day he was able to see outta his left eye...

Tzvantzik Questions....cont.


Ms. Obsession obsessed and played again.

An electron?

Then i realized that the shmegegy thingie IS right.
For The Aibershter IS :

An emotion.
An electron.
And EVERYTHING else too.

Olam Hazeh Chesed Yibone.

Even the sufferings of Iyuv for seventy years is no comparison to the suffering of a soul for even one hour in Gehenim.
This "world is built on kindness,"
through mild suffering in This World one is saved from severe judgments in Olam haba.
Accept pain and sufferings b'simcha. It's a cleanser.

A little bit in this world has a big effect in the upper world.
One mitzvah here - big things happening Above, to Sovev Kol Almin...
The reward of a Mitzvah is the Mitzvah....the spiritual "light" that is brought down through the fulfillment of the mitzvah.

Monday, July 16, 2007

20 shaylos...

My word,

I tried it again.
Kinda obsessed with this now.



For some reason i find it
verrry interesant.

Of course im interested...



Teach Sheina to sleep in own bed.

Teach Steinbergs to be quiet.

Organize Pictures.
a) C.E. Chasuna.
b)Collage of Levi's
c) Aineklach-album.
d) London D.D. (fooy)

Stay tuned for more.

No particular order...

File the stuff.




Take them out.




Toilet train Mushka.


Book with Aharon.


Sing for Sheina.







Che che..
im allowed to laugh if i think its matzchik.

Sunday, July 15, 2007


Im playing this "20 questions" gamey medgegy thing.
You think of a something and then this shmeggey asks you 20 questions and you answer "yes, no or sometimes".
Then they are supposed to guess your word.
My "thing" was
They asked me all sorts of questions.
Their guess :
Interesting, no?

We try again.
They ask more questions.
Their guess :
Not bad , huh?

Wanna try again?
Again questions.
Their guess:
Pretty amazing, no?

Should we try again?
They can't get it.
Well who does?

No particular order...

The Getty Museum.




Chevra Kadisha.

Eretz Yisroel
with Chava.


leben mit der tzait #3 - Perek Beis

M'inyan l'inyan...
or the opposite - this first, then that..

Rabbi Tarfun.....
Rabbi Tarfun was the epitome of Kibud Eim.
Performing the mitzva of, that is.
And what do the Chachomim say about him?
That with all his Kibud Eim, he still didnt get to
half of what the Torah demands in that area.

Wha Wha...
hea - vy.

b'shem omroy - heshy.

i like this one too...

Why Mothers Cry ....

"Why are you crying?" he asked his mom.

"Because I'm a mother," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His mom just hugged him and said, "You never will!"
Later the little boy asked his father why Mother
seemed to cry for no reason.
"All mothers cry for no reason," was all his dad could
The little boy grew up and became a man, still
wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to G-d and
when G-d got on the phone the man said, "God, why do mothers
cry so easily."
G-d said, "You see son, when I made mothers
they had to be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to
carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give
comfort. I gave them an
inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection
that many times come from their children.
"I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep
going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their
families through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
"I gave them the sensitivity to love their children
under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt
them very badly.
This same sensitivity helps them to make a
child's boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager's
anxieties and fears.
"I gave them a tear to shed. It's theirs exclusively to
use whenever it's needed. It's their only weakness.
It's a tear for mankind.

Erma Bombeck...


When the good L-rd was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the L-rd said, "Have you read the specs on this order? --

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 moveable parts . . . all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands...

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands . . . no way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the L-rd. "It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The L-rd nodded.

"One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

"L-rd," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow . . ."

"I can't," said the L-rd, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick . . . can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger . . . and can get a nine year-old to stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

"But tough!" said The Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure."

The angel asked, "Can it think?"

"Not only think, but it can reason and compromise," said The Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You You were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the L-rd, "It's a tear."

"What's it for?" asked the angel.

"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride," The L-rd replied.

"You are a genius," said the angel.

The L-rd looked somber.

"I didn't put it there," he said.

What a Father we have...

"K'rov rachamecho m'chai p'sho-ai "
"In accordance with Your abounding compassion, erase my transgressions".

We are asking Hashem to forgive us and we are SO sure that He will, therefore we say the brocha of;
Boruch ata Hashem chanun hamarbe l'sloiach.
One who pardons abundantly.
(i like that word.)

Sofek brochos l'hokel.
We are forbidden to recite a brocha of doubtful obligation, for fear it be in vain.
Were there even the slightest doubt as to whether Hashem forgives the sinner, we would never have been commanded to recite the brocha.
But there is no doubt here whatsoever!
For we have asked "...Forgive us".


Thursday, July 12, 2007


I'm concluding that we are on the subject of assuming...

Before going to Varda i called to confirm that the pool was available for me. Will not go if anyone else is there. No one answered, no one home, i have the key, i head over there. When i get to the gate i hear people's voices and children's frolickings. "Oh no", i think (i assumed) "So someone IS there. Shucks!" I start to turn around to go back home. Then i stop in my tracks and reconsider. Whip my key out, open the gate, march to the back to the pool and lo and behold !
guess what was?
Oh no don't guess, then you will be assuming...

The place was still and EMPTY.

The sounds were coming from the neighbours.
(Is that what you assumed?)

You want to hear more ass u me ing stories ?

before and after....

after crying for the thing i dont have and will probably never have...

what do i have?
well i have the beach 1/2 an hour away,
and i bh have the ability to bike ride.
but that would mean someone to take care of mushka,
that would mean rushing back to take sheina off the bus,
that would mean driving....
and that would take much time.
too complicated.

what else do i have?
well i have the key to Varda's pool.
(thankyou Varda.)
never mind i havent gone swimin' in ...
dont even know how long.
yes, great idea,
need to air my head...
need to move my body.

Bh they are not home.
throw mushka in the stroller,
8 minute walk there,
saving time, saying tehillim on the way.
10 minute swim....
out of breath...
i guess "round" is really not a shape...
he he..
play with mushka,
two more laps.
dry up
walk home.
think bout what im gonna write.
(yes i know i said i was done..
so sue me... he he )
am home,
the whole outing - less than an hour.

that was very good.
my head is clear,
i can now think again...

i can now think
of the thing i dont have and will probably never have..
but am not crying.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

FREEWAY of life

nice morning -
five lanes wide open,
can i go as fast as i want?
80 feels comfortable,
feels freeee...
is that too fast?
what's the speed limit anyhow?
who knows?
doesnt say anywhere.
i have a "tiny" feeling 80 may be over the limit.
but that's it - not gonna go higher,
(i remember when i wouldnt even dare go that fast).
too bad if a car is tailgating....
i think 80 is pretty accommodating..
music blaring, coasting along,
feeling freeee...
uh oh, the Highway Patrol. (HP)

what is the speed limit ?
not knowing, is not gonna fly very well at "court".
everyone else is doing it,
cant be that bad,
that aint gonna fly very well either.
but i slow down,
i dont want to be cited,
besides the fact, im in a rush
aint got time to be stopped..

yes ! the HP turned off at the exit.
back to my 80.
but im still abit concerned,
there may be another one lurking around.
not uptight enough to slow down though,
there i am freewaying along,
hey now its crawling up to 84..

interesting, i think.
Hasgocho Protis. (HP)

im doing something
i didnt used to feel comfortable doing.
(80 was way too fast)
now im so fine with it,
and the only thing bothering me ,
is getting caught!
And now that the bar was raised, so to speak,
83, 84 doesnt seem to be a big deal either....

are my boundaries tzumished?
am i uninhibited?
am i too freeee...
something... ?

Monday, July 9, 2007

leben mit der tzait #2 - Perek alef.

Shimon hatzadik said:
"all shlosha devorim ho'olom oimed,
al hatora, al ha-avoda v'al gemilus chassodim"

that is what the world stands on.

what do i stand on?
i have a feeling i dont have what to stand on...
much to say but ich halt zich ain...

as Shimon, ben gamliel, says later on in the perek,
"....v'loi motzosi l'guf, tov mishtika..."

so i guess i'll go eat ice cream.
with pickles. maybe.

("I once heard someone be medayeik that the good that comes from silence is not just avoidance of issur, but is a physical good to the body - lo matzasi tov *laguf*....")
b'shem omroy : chaim b. on a comment...

your crutches will turn into trinkets

I know that my "crutch" is not gone forever.
I know i can still use it,
Hopefully i will not abuse it.

but if i turn my crutch into a knickknack,
can i abuse it then?
i guess i can,
for then its just a toy,
to enjoy.
oohhh this is gonna be fun....
because technically i having nothing to lose.

Thursday, July 5, 2007


so there i was trudging along in the desert, very thirsty and very lonely.
barely able to take another step, but im shlepping along...
finally from the distance i spot an oasis, with a spring or well to refresh myself.
my steps are a bit lighter now.
i slowly make my way there, and yes, beautiful greenery, and a well..
but im still a bit cautious, what if the owner doesnt let me in..
hey im desperate, so i charm my way in and wow what a relief.
the water is fresh and cool, its relaxing. its great!
boruch hashem i have found refuge there.
with every passing day, though, in the back of my mind
im thinking,
a) i need to move on
b) what if the kindness of
my host expires? kotonti mikol hachasodim... and
c) perhaps this is not right for me.
but the perks overweigh this and im living it up.
out of extreme gratefulness to my hosts, i offer to help them,
and do whatever they want me to -
i so appreciate wht they do for me.
there is a bounce in my walk now, im not lonely anymore,
overcoming obstacles are now a breeze, i am rejuvenated.
i am oh so happy.

then i guess i overstepped my boundary, i felt so close to my hosts
that i walked uninvited into their personal territory.
and boy did i get a beating.
my hosts show me the door.
they dont need me there,
they have other travellers to entertain.
im too hyper for them,
and besides im too old to drink their water, they say.

i look at the "exit" sign, but cant really see it,
my eyes are too blury.
so i stand there all melancholy,
wondering what now.
"go" they say, youre very nice and all but
"goodbye forever".

so there i am trudging along in the desert, getting thirsty and lonely.
i turn around, i look back.
i dream for that oasis,
i yen for that sanctum.

i know they dont want me,
i know they dont need me
but how i ache for that haven.

epilogue to follow...

ess gezunterheit...

the stewardess gives her email address that i should email her the recipe to my challah kugel.
he he he..
i think thats very funny.
he was hungry, took a piece of the very yummy fresh 'hot out of the oven' kugel she also wanted a piece and shared it with the whole crew....
now they are all 'pasmakeven di lippen'.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007


you cant take the easy way out.


"ober fort"

.... the other way.

should i, or should i not.
i know i shouldn't but i want to.
not a big deal, right?
yes a big deal.
but i WANT to !
it feels good, its fun etc...
"ober fort"...
its not right.
its not worth it.
there is an aibershter oif der velt...
and i was created by Him, to serve Him.
His will against mine.
He wins.
I win.

not so cute...


we just dont know....

Rabbi and Sam meet in the elevator.

"Oh Sam, hello, how are you? how is everything?
how is it going?"

"Rabbi, everything is going pretty well, thankyou,
but you know what Rabbi, it wouldnt hurt if things
were a bit better..."

"And how do you know it wouldnt hurt?"


m'inyan l'inyan....#2

the first 3 are the intellectual,
then the 6 emotions,
and then the action.

learn, meditate, think,
let it enter, permeate, durch-nemen,
then lead you to ACTION.

Monday, July 2, 2007

lubavitch this way....(duh)

m'inyan l'inyan....

YUD the CHOCHMA , the spark, the dot
HEY - wider, elaborates, BINA, explaining and understanding. DAAS
longer, extension and flow downward...
VOV line down, downward extension, the 6 (vov) attributes, CHESED GEVURA, TIFERES, NETZACH,HOD and YESOD.
HEY again the elaborating and bringing down, the middos, into MALCHUS or is it thru malchus, for malchus is the
speech, bringing out , bringing down connecting it....

Sunday, July 1, 2007

At any rate,

the internal aspect of speech is breath.

- b'asara mamoros nivra ha'olom...
- vayipach b'apov nishmas chayim...

speech is from the breath,
speech is from chochma, pretty high.
blowing is from deeper, of breathing-
the inner kishkes...

what's in a word ?

Tetragrammaton -

the four letters; yud key vov key
(and the ten sefiros are included.)

Anthropomorphically -

ascribing human form or attributes to a being or thing not human, (G-d).
The Torah "speaks as in the language of men".

Good one...

Someone once told the Koshnitzer Maggid, R' Yisroel,
that an old couple was 'helped' and had a baby boy, without going to any tzaddikim..
"The Ribono shel olam," said the Koshnitzer with a smile, "did a very smart thing, usually people travel to the Chozeh of Lublin, or to me.
Here, Hashem Yisborech showed that He too can give children..."

b'shem omroi-
chazanmoshe Teleshevsky


Refoainu Hashem.....

today i stopped in my tracks,
i didnot have to ask for
Menachem Mendel ben ayallah -
he was "healed".
its sad.
didnt even know the kid.
but he was a kid,
he was someone's kid.

Hamokem yenachem, please please
the family.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

yudbeis Tammuz

mazal tov !
new ainekel born.
it's a boy,
does that make you an aunt
or an uncle??

and mums the word.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

To sing again...

Hearing the lilt of her canary's song, a fastidious house-keeper's attention was drawn to the bird's cage, which she saw immediately needed cleaning. She decided that it would be easy to clean the cage bottom with her new vacuum cleaner. Disregarding the frantic bird, she stuck the vacuum wand into the cage and was occupied with her task when the doorell rang. Startled, she raised the wand, and the nervous canary was sucked in. Alarmed and expecting the worst, the woman quickly turned off the cleaner and opened it to retrieve the bird. To her relief, he appeared okay. He was stunned, but otherwise none the worse for the experience. So she put him back on his perch, where he sat, songless.

Too often that's what happens to us in different situations: we are sucked in.

So how do you find your song again when you are still in the cage with the potential for being sucked back into the vacuum cleaner?